Ten Red Flags of Dating

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“Did you know when you date, or anywhere else in your life – that you always have the choice to be safe. I didn’t realize this for the first 39 years of my life, but it’s important enough for me to share this message with you and how it relates to you and dating.

Whether you’re a cat or dog person, or into something altogether different. You don’t always know why you’re attracted to that certain someone.

All you know is that its tough to find that special someone, and sometimes its seems as if your search goes on forever and ever. So at some point in all our lives we’re all searching for that special someone.

Maybe you meet someone and they get the wrong idea about you, or you about them; hey it happens!

Maybe you’ve already lucked out and found them; or maybe you’re like the rest of us, and still are on your eternal quest.

And even after you do find someone you seem to really hit it off well with, you seem to encounter unexpected bumps in the road, you really wish you could’ve been given a heads-up on, or seen a sign warning you, before you actually went on a particular road trip where you end up running smack dab right into the middle of a particular avoidable road hazard in your relationship.

If you’re too picky or unrealistic, then it simply takes you a heck of a lot longer to find that certain, special someone to welcome into your own life; like say when pigs fly or hell freezes over.

This isn’t to say you won’t find true love, but come on… who has time to wait for patience (unless of course Patience is really hot, or has an even better looking brother or sister…

…or whatever else it is you’re exactly looking for in the first place which you are willing to wait for).

I’m kidding, but seriously, remember this; it’s never about you having to settle or compromise yourself in the process to find that elusive, special someone. Just be realistic, do your homework, and shop around. Then you’re sure to find what you’re eventually looking for.

Some individuals really do travel halfway around the globe or to the stars and back again to find a little romance and love. Maybe that time travel thing worked out just fine for you even. However, you’d be surprised what you might find waiting around the corner or in your own backyard for you, if you take a look.

Just remember to keep things in perspective regarding dating and finding that certain special someone. It’s just like purchasing a new or used car.

Sure, it can have that brand new car smell with the right spray and have a really good package and paint job. However, remember some pretty important things to keep in mind when purchasing a car (new or used):

Know that you always have the right to be safe!

Always check under the hood

Get a second opinion if necessary

If something sounds or looks too good to be true, than it probably is

Listen to your fears, and trust your gut…

In those cases when your alarm bells are ringing, it’s more than OK to walk; no run away!

Because, bottom line: you always have the right to be safe!

With a car you might be stuck with just a lemon if you make a bad decision. That’s OK; you learn from your mistakes and move on. However, when it comes to dating and more serious relationships, it’s not about ending up with the occasional lemon. Heck, we all do. What’s worse is when we end up with something far worse then being stuck with just a lemon, and are forced to live a nightmare, and we end up being victimized, made a survivor, or worse.

This means you need is to be aware of any red flags which may exist in order to better qualify what you’re taking home with you.

Many states have enacted lemon laws to protect you when you buy a car. This way, you have some kind of recourse when you purchase something which wasn’t all what it was cracked up to be; or you originally thought it was!

When it comes to love, your friends and family never passed on the little book or FAQs of red flags you could use to avoid bringing homes a clunker. Most states don’t have dating or mate lemon laws in effect when you land a Mr. or Mrs. Oh-So Wrong for You.

And while the Internet is a great tool to use in finding out all the information you could ever want on a subject, topic, or person, you still have to be careful when using it to date, because you never know who you’re really chatting with until you actually meet them.

What are red flags anyway but warning signs! Not necessarily good or bad, but do warrant further investigation.

You already know what red flags are. Something you can qualify in order to rule out anything negative which may or may not bring about or cause emotional upheaval, possible heartache, unnecessary stress in your life, or worse?

For some individuals, it’s important to know if the people they’re involved with would act a certain way in a given circumstance or situation.

Wouldn’t you like to know how a person reacts when you say something, and they:

a. Want to argue about it until they’re blue in the face (Continues kicking the horse long after its died).

b. Simmers in silence; but in the back of their mind, they’re thinking “oh, you rat bastard – I’ll get you back, no matter how long it takes…..

c. Or just goes with the flow and only reacts within a normal range of expected emotions related to what was said

What if you’re fast/slow in everything you do, from the way you make up your mind to how you speak, but they:

a. Operate at a snail’s pace, or are too quick for comfort

b. Miss out on things because of inaction, or do something without thinking, and more than likely going to regret later on, and you know in your heart what they just did is going to leave such a mark afterward!

Maybe you really care about material wealth, or couldn’t give a rat’s toenail about such things

Maybe you’re generous or like to really watch what you spend

Maybe you have more energy than you know what to do with, or can’t figure out where it all went at the end of the day (or at the beginning for that matter either)

Are you where all the romance novels go to for ideas in and out of the bedroom, or is watching paint dry and grass grow something which takes priority before romance?

Like it or not; we all want to know what makes everyone in our lives tic. When it comes to romance, we usually find we’ve leaped before looking; and sometime with long lasting repercussions.

What are some red flags of dating which to be on the lookout for? Here are ten of them in no particular order:

1. Always needs a challenge

You always have to step up your game with this one, but really, when is actually enough; for some individuals it’s never. Not necessarily a bad thing if you’re able to actually step up your game. However, if your not, then it’s more than OK to pass the ball

2. Anti-social

Different strokes for different folks, but come on isn’t it possible to be too anti-social. You’re not sure. Don’t worry, now you get to find out for sure.

3. Argumentative

I like a good heated discussion too, but will I ever tell an argumentative person they like to argue. No way – I don’t want to waste the next 20-minutes or longer listening to them tell me they’re not! Unless of course you do like to keep the tension going, then by all means; continue.

4. Defiance

It doesn’t even matter what you want, heck, it doesn’t even matter what they want, just know the rules aren’t going to apply.

5. Dominant

It’s not sex or about who’s always on top, bottom, middle or wherever. As in life, being able to let go sometimes brings you the greatest rewards. Being dominant in and of itself isn’t always a bad thing, however domineering is, and trust me; you’ll know when you’re being domineered and worse for you when you don’t get it at first. But don’t worry – you will in the end!

6. Low Self-esteem

Wow, when is it OK to not be the best you are capable of. I know what you’re capable of, and I’d rather be part of the process which helps you rise up to your own greatness and potential, and not part of the process which helps to keep you down, or you contribute to wanting me to be down or not at my true potential.

7. Lying

Being creative in the story telling process is great, however when you can’t remember what tales you’re telling, and they seem to get you into more hot water than out of it; it’s more than OK to start fixing this area.

8. Sensitive to criticism

What did the author mean by typing this…? Are they directing this at me? Does he think I thought that…? Who does the author think they are for directing such a question and statement at me….? Yeah, you might be able to say something nice to them today, but to ever increase saying nice things, back pedal, or continually walk on eggshells afterwards – I think not!

9. Sarcasm

How does that hat look on you…? Well, it doesn’t work on you in this particular lighting, shade of color, with my eyes open or closed, or at this exact second. However, other than that, it looks perfect on you!!!!

10. Stubborn

See this horse on the ground in front of us…. Yeah, I know it’s been dead for awhile, but I also know I’m going to keep kicking it, and kicking it, and kicking it, and kicking it, until something else happens. There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion and sticking to it (TO A POINT!)

Whatever you do decide to do when it comes to dating, be aware of these red flags which may bring into your relationship more emotional dynamics than you’re able to deal with, want, or care.

Maybe you’re already in a relationship where such behavior or personality traits do manifest at the most peculiar of times.

It doesn’t always mean you have to give up on yourself or the relationship, and cut and run. We all have our own unique makeup, quirks and idiosyncrasies; both good and bad.

Just let certain things guide you in all that you do; be it in dating or in life. First, always trust in yourself. OK, maybe you don’t have the self confidence you’d like to have. First impressions may not always be correct, but what you feel in your gut is; so trust this.

Know that you always have the choice to be safe. It took me over 39 years to discover this simple perspective. However, I’ve also been sharing this powerful message with everyone I’ve gotten to meet ever since.

For many, they already get this. However, there are some out there who don’t know or get this yet. By the simple act of sharing this powerful knowledge and message with another, does it help empower them to act differently in all the things they do. This in turn can help them avoid being victimized, ending up as a survivor; or worse.”

I know I may not be able to stop each and every bad person in the world from doing what they intend to do. However, I can help spread the word in order to allow others to helps themselves by making them aware “they always have a choice to be safe.”

 

Joseph Zarek
Consultant, Speaker, and Author

 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joseph_Zarek

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